Why Can’t I Be Normal?

I love her, I swear, with all that I am,

But somehow my heart keeps jamming the plan.

Small things grow sharp, words twist in my head,

And I say the wrong things, things better unsaid.

It’s like a storm I can’t quite control,

A surge of emotions that swallow me whole.

One moment I’m calm, the next I ignite—

I turn nothing to something, picking a fight.

I see her hurt, and it tears me apart,

Why can’t I just let peace stay in my heart?

I hate how I act, the walls I create,

Turning love into fear, frustration, and weight.

I wish I knew how to stop this flood,

How to feel without boiling my blood.

But it’s like I carry a lifetime inside—

Every wound, every slight I’ve tried to hide.

When she asks for trust, I flinch, pull away,

Not because I doubt her—I just feel afraid.

Afraid of being seen too close, too deep,

Afraid of promises I might not keep.

I know she feels like I’m hiding a lie,

But it’s just me, tangled, struggling inside.

I react without thinking, then regret what I’ve done—

Like emotions are arrows I can’t outrun.

Why can’t I be normal? I wonder each night,

Why can’t I just let things sit and feel right?

I want to be better, I want to stay still,

But something inside me defies my will.

All I know is I love her, more than I say,

And I hope she’ll see me through the disarray.

I may not be perfect, but I’ll try to be true—

Learning to trust, starting with me, for you.

-Harper Wilde 🌿 For the one that will always have my heart, she’s had it from the very start, JPM🧡